Days go by so fast

Its been awhile since I've last written. I've been consumed. Expecting to come over here and develop both my self and my job experience I have run into the greatest road block any human being could only hope and pray for. His name is Marty. I had written about him before but my earlier scribblings of mine I had erased becuase I had received some negative feedback, or so it felt like. Maybe I was being a little sensitive, mayeb I was pissed because I know I was not understood. All things written about Marty were good. I just expressed how scarry having such intense feelings for someone was, especially in less than a month.

Now for those of you new to reading this, or just real late keepig up wityh my life, I haven't had any tremendously serious relationships with guys that I thought would really go anywhere. Is that my fault? I don't have commitment issues... I just never settled. And had I...

Marty is someone who within minutes can make anyone feel comfortable. He has this amazing skill am unable to master. Some call it the ability to listen. But, its not just listen, I can listen to you and have an arguement waiting to slice up your ideas and thoughts faster than imaginable. I listen, I just suck at slowig down and making what someone else says, feels, whatever, applicable to me. Marty understands the importance of listening and empathy. He is the most honest man I've ever met outside my immediate family. He will give to those who can help themselves, with a little help. Marty is someone you can make yourself readilly vulnerable to, he has no care in the world to hurt you. It wouldn't make him any better and as much as he already thinks "he" is the worlds biggest loser, he's not and he loves an underdog.

Now, don't think Marty can do no wrong. He has his short comings. Has dances like a circus bear, sometimes he makes really strange faces and noises at inopportune times, he sometimes goes into character when trying to have a serious conversation with him and these are just a few of the things about Marty I don't like, but have grown to love.

Of corse in every relationship there are things that may sting us deeper, but how can you really find fault in honesty? At what point to we surrender to the fact that someone's past is just that? We all make mistakes, we all have crossed a line now and again. But why do his sadden me sometimes more than others? I have full faith in the man Marty is, and who he will become.

I used to say all things stem from one of two things, love and fear. But, it wasn't until I had this love that there is no such thing as fear. Fear is not something that exists onit own. It is like darkness. It occurs becuase something is absent, light. Therefore fear is just an absence of love. Making love the core of all feeling, action, and emotion.

I fear Marty's past not becuase the actions, the other girls, the crazy nights he's ever had, but I fear the one common theme that everything in his past shares. I wasn't in it.

It is uncommon to find someone with whom you can share everything, from a story to a sandwhich. I just hope, and will work, to continue sharing, as much time as God allows with him.

And of corse, myself.