Meghan in Kuwait

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Before big there was small, before small there was somenthing, and before something there was nothing, but before nothing...

there was a possibility of anything.


What is the best moment in the following situations...

At a baseball game your team is up, the ball is hit. Its up, up, going... ball drops on the field...base hit.

You are at a craps table, you have the dice in your hand, you shake them and let them go... they land and you win.

You stand there, nervous looking at him/her. The moment is awkward but you close your eyes and lean in...as your lips come in contact with theirs you breath a sigh of relief.

Not sure? Well look at it like this. All three situations have moments when life can go either way. Completely wrong...or in your favor. That moment is the best moment in all three situations. It creates a high of hope, dreams, wishes come true. Or...reality just gets another chance to slap you in the face, again. But, all day long reality slaps us silly. It is only in these brief moments that we escape life and dreams can come true. Once we actually get what we want reality starts up all over again with a whole new set of ways to slap us around. Next batter up grounds into a double, you double down and lose it all, the kiss was no good.

So, maybe it dosen't all go wrong, but it can. We can continue to experience these "perfect" moments by taking chances. Everyonce in awhile these moments feel like forever. So never stop taking risks. Live for the moments. The high is there, but be prepared to be slapped about like a ragdoll.

Friday, April 21, 2006

The Hunt is on...

This is a boring blog, so those of you pinched for time...don't waste it here. Not now, not today atleast. I'm just bogged down with all the shit that has to be done for me to get the hell out of here. Let's see...

Firefighter II test and practical to take. Test...3 hours prep time... Practical 3 weeks for them to figure out how they can burn the crap out of another trailer and get someone else hurt.

HazMat Technician Course...I have another 20 hours of computer time to put in...10 hours of studying for the test and an all day long practical, in a vapor proof suit...in by then...110 degree weather (if I'm so lucky) for 12 hours.

Confined space rescue..who freaken knows...It'll be done on shift.

And hopefully SCUBA PADI certified. That will lead to hopefully open water rescue, rescue diving, swift water rescue, and I already did my ice rescue crap....but I NEVER GOT MY CERT. tHANKS RUSS YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF CARCAS.

And then there's my packing, arranging flights, trying to find out weather I quit or get LWOP. Beg for LWOP. Turn in my medical reciepts for rewmbursment... and still remember to do the laundy often enough to have a pair of clean underwear. UHHHHHHHH!

I need some sleep. But, I need a job... anyone have any offers? Life otherwise is boring..God knows there's no room for excitement here.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Wanna go on a Gedaazzle???

So, I have discovered I have a severe dislike of formalities. One being the word "date". Its so formal. So what's a girl to do but ask a guy to makeup a word that essentially means "date" but isn't.



I found that guy. His name is Jeff. Far right. He is currently my penpal/friend...and gadazzle. When we talk the two of us laugh so hard our faces hurt. Though I may instigate it he plays along with my childlike ideas and doesn't fail to surprise me with his uncanny ability to say something more bizzare than I came up with.

We do have talks about life that doesn't involve hyperventilating or facial cramps. From what I can gather he is honest, family oriented, and has a job related to what he wanted to be when he grew up as a child. He works at his dream job. I find it attractive when people actually use their passion and inner child to achieve what most have given up on. Jeff is an engineer for a race car company designing parts. I don't really know what he does...its really technical. Hence, the engineer's job.

Like the refreshing shock your body feels after hitting the cold water of a river on a hot day, I am glad their are people like him around.

Will he ever really show up in a mime's costume to meet my parents? We'll see. But, the possiblilities are endless and if hanging out with him, or gadazzling (if I be so lucky) is anything like our phone conversations...I'm in for a great summer.

Friday, April 14, 2006

What did April 13th mean to you???

Well, for one it was Suraj (the guy on the left's) birthday. We bought everyone Pizza and Ice Cream, sang happy birthday, and some people even ave him some birthday money. I have never seen anyone so thankful for so little. I had him moved from another station just so he could be with everyone...and call Marty. He had been talking about their birthday for weeks. An d how he would get a chance to talk to Marty on the phone.



I was also the guy on the rights birthday, too. I did get to talk to him and it was for a good chunk of time. I was glad but so nervous. I didn't know what to say. As I stood by the phone after the guys came and got me, my heart, echoed in that small space where you use the phone.

It was a year to the day I met him. He counted it as our anniversary.

I tripped over thoughts, never saying what I wanted. He asked about the attack...I started to cry beause it was him that I was telling. He made this place safe when he was here. I never worried. He was more of a man than I could have asked for. I wanted to say sorry things went how they did. That sounded like happy birthday, I hope things are going well.

He said he had been having dreams about coming back. The guys said he talked to the chief about coming back for 4 mos, shot down. He asked when I was leaving. I think he was diswayed with me still being hee and resigning. I don't think he wants back again. I hope he doesn't. He left with a goal, drive, ambitition, and so much potential. It would break my heart again to know he returned. He is better than this. We both were.

So I blabbered about everything going wrong. He is the only one who knows this place. He lived this with me. I think I cried because I was so glad I could tell him what anyone would tell the only person that they believed could understand. I told him,"I'm not really tough afterall." He told me his plans for the evening, bowling. I supposed I should have guessed. But that is the Marty I began to barely learn about backhome. We bowled once here.

Long story short. It was good to hear him. I blabbed like an idiot. I don't know if for me it could have ever been enough time. I miss my friend.

Oh yeah, it was holy Thursday, Napalese New Years Eve. and I'm sure a whole bunch of other crap that doesn't concern me.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Just Call Me Action Jackson!

So here are a few photos from our live training burn not too long ago.
This was how the trailer started...

I'm the one in the black helmet. Not that I have to be special, just protected. Alot of the yello helmets you see are rated at 500 degrees for 5 min. After that...they melt. I just wanted the best equipmnet we had, despite color. Though black is still cooler.


See, the burn got out of control and our training officer needed to be pulledoff the hoseline. Idiot wans't supposed to be there anyway. He just had no clue. After burns to his hands and neck he finally got out and let me and my boy Link show him how it was done. And it wasn't by standing up in the doorway.








This is old news but atleast fun to do. I had to prove to them that I could do what I had been doing for three years. It cost us one trailer, two helmets, three hoses, and a few bandages for Starr.

Monday, April 10, 2006

"Either She goes...or I go!" Its time to bounce kangaroo!




Um...thats me on the right. The guy on the left is the Aussie in question. Remember a few blogs back when I introduced you to the greatest captain on Camp Arifjan? Well, this s the worst one. He's out token Aussie asshole. This guy has some sort of personal hate for me and after creating very minor reasons to write me up, which everyone can see are BS and contrived he is calling for me to be fired!

Either she goes, or I go.

Ha ha! "I'm gonna be alot more difficult than that crabs you picked up from those hookers last weekend Darren!"

I am here for a reason. I came here to adavnce my caree, gain some education, and pick up some certs along the way. I'm not done yet. If he were smart he'd just talk to me like an adult and we could've resolved this like adults. But, no one likes the wild chick and the few that have tried to break me have failed. I'm not wild, I'm smart you idiots!

Luckilly the other members of intelligence didn't like Darren's pouting and I believe they will be saying "Ta ta" to him soon.

Friday, April 07, 2006

The Zodiac Pegs me...HARD!



Well, I was talking with a new friend of mine and zodiac symbology came up. It always pegs me to a T. Its sick. Dames you will especially take a liking to this blog, we share these things.
Traditional
Cancer Traits

Emotional and loving
Intuitive and imaginative
Shrewd and cautious
Protective and sympathetic

On the dark side....

Changeable and moody
Overemotional and touchy
Clinging and unable to let go
The Cancerian character is the least clear-cut of all those associated with the signs of the zodiac. Cancerians are to be found through the whole range of human activity. It is a fundamentally conservative and home-loving nature, appreciating the nest like quality of a secure base to which the male can retire when he needs a respite from the stresses of life, and in which the Cancerian woman can exercise her strong maternal instincts. The latter tends to like and to have a large family. `Nest like' is an appropriate adjective for the Cancerian home, for its inhabitants tend to favor the dark, mysterious but comfortable type of house which has something of the air of a den about it, a place which belongs to the family rather than existing as a showcase to impress visitors.
That is not to say that the Cancerian is unsociable, just that for them there is a time to socialize and a time to be solitary, and this is part of the apparent contradiction in their nature. Outwardly they can appear formidable - thick-skinned, unemotional, uncompromising, obstinately tenacious, purposeful, energetic, shrewd, intuitive and wise, sometimes with a philosophical profundity of thought verging on inspiration. Their intimates, however, may see a very different character, one with a sympathetic and kindly sensitivity to other people, especially those they love.
They are able to identify with the situations of others because of the keenness of their imaginations. They are often over-imaginative and prone to fantasy, sometimes trying to shape their lives to fit some romantic ideal. They are appreciative of art and literature, and especially of drama, where the spectacle and ebb and flow of action and feeling particularly excite them. They may themselves possess considerable literary, artistic or oratorical talent. Their sharp ears and talent for mimicry can sometimes give them success on the stage, though their tendency to be emotional may make them overact. If they can reconcile the personal conflict of their urge to be outgoing with the reserve that causes them to withdraw into themselves, then at best they can inspire a generation, especially the youthful part of it, by their idealism.
In their personal relationships they are mentally a mixture of toughness and softness, often emotional and romantic to the point of sentimentality in their fantasies; but in real life and in marriage, their loving is not so sentimental but tenaciously loyal. Even if they have affairs their first loyalty remains to spouse and family, of whom they regard themselves as the protector. Both the

Cancerian man and woman love unreservedly, giving much and asking little in return - in fact, one of the most important lessons they have to learn is how to receive gracefully. They are too easily influenced by those they love and admire, and swayed by the emotion of the moment. Cancerians have a retentive memory, particularly for emotionally laden events which they can recall in detail for years afterwards. they are strongly governed by childhood memories and since they live intensely in the past in memory and in the future in imagination, a chance meeting with someone for whom they had an unrequited love, even if they thought they had conquered the feeling, will easily rouse the emotion all over again.
The Cancerian has many potential faults. They can be untidy, sulky, devious, moody, inclined to self-pity because of an inferiority complex, brood on insults (very often imagined), yet are easily flattered. They can be tactless and difficult yet, because they are normally ambitious, they will curry favor by floating with majority opinions, outlooks and fashions of the day. As a result they often change their opinions and loyalties and, indeed, their occupations, and lack stability. Their romanticism in another sense make them ardent supporters of causes, for example a football team with whose heroes they can identify in a world of fantasy.
Physically they are average to below average in height, with a fleshy body and short legs in comparison with the rest of them. Their hair is usually brown, their faces round, their complexions pale, their foreheads prominent, their eyes small and blue or gray in color, their noses short, perhaps upturned, and their mouths full. They sometimes walk clumsily. But everyone wants them and they are super hot (ok I added this last sentence).
LIKES
• Hobbies
• Romance
• Children
• Home and Country
• Parties
DISLIKES
• Aggravating situations
• Failure
• Opposition
• Being told what to do ;)
• Advice (good or bad)



Problems for Meghan errrr….I mean Cancer
PROBLEM: You can be oversensitive and something of a clinging vine which may cause you to harbor imaginary hurts and slights, this can make for highly unsettling conditions with your spouse.
SOLUTION: Be sure that the love you are expressing is not simply your need to hang own to someone for moral support, and if necessary, you should seek professional help in order to overcome this negative, clinging aspect of your personality.

PROBLEM: One of your biggest personality flaws, next to neediness, is the habit of being so self absorbed that you sometimes fail to notice what others are doing and accomplishing in their lives, you feel shut out.
SOLUTION: You should make a special effort to change this in yourself by forcing yourself to rejoice over their good fortune and when you do this you find that it will eventually become a habit and you as well as they will be happier for the change.

PROBLEM: Your inability to take orders without getting angry or upset may be another one of your problems and this one could be very serious as it affects your chances of earning a good living for yourself and/or your family, since you are quite apt to walk away from any job where you feel 'picked on'.
SOLUTION: Try keeping an ear out and find out how the ones who have been on the job for any length of time gets along with the boss and coworkers. If you follow his lead or simply decide that you will simply keep quiet and follow orders you will soon see how well you can be really liked by all concerned.

PROBLEM: You also have a problem with putting things off until the last minute which upsets your family and friends. This also has a tendency to make an unpleasant matter even more unpleasant when you procrastinate.
Solution: Make taking care of the business at hand your prime objective from now on for, when you do not have all those worries in the back of your mind you will find it more pleasant to be around people, and you will also find that life goes smoothly for you from then on.

So there you have it. Now you all know me.

Hi Doug what are you? Erin how are the babies, thanks for the pics.

Some pics for your pleasure.



Meet the best captain at camp Arifjan. This is Phil. My captain. The greatest guy. He has been a serious par of my sanity and has helped me with my certs and education here.



This is a pic my friend John sent me from a fire he had up at camp Buehring. I had nothing to do with this one, but I always wish more stuff like this happened when I worked.



Here Juli, our dispatcher and I pose for a pic on our Superbowl trip to Bahrain. We were at the Hard Rock.



this is the 530 Charlie. It is ONE OLD FIRE TRUCK! We always joke when we ride in it that we should throw candy out the windows cause it should be in a museum and be driven only in parades.


Meet Link. He is one of the guys on my crew. Yeah, he's big he's also my workout partner. Link won the powerlifting competition and is the strongest man in Kuwait. If you think he's intimidating you should see my poses, shirt on though.

Blah blah blah...another quiet nite...alone.

Amongst vermin and vilian so steadfast I stand
With my feet firmly planted atop desert sand
I wince and I waiver at each passing yell
I often thinkro myself, “ I chose to join hell.”
I sold up one year of the lives that I love
Just to scrimp and to save and to push and to shove
And to run in this rat racewith those who can’t hack
Living the life I’ll have once I’ved moved back
For the people here falter and stumble and fall
And up close they don’t look like people at all
All heartless and broken abandoned and torn
I wouldn’t doubt many wished they hadn’t been born
You can’t see the trust, respect, or caring from home
This is no place for a lover to roam
A lover of all, people, instance, and breath
But rather a place for hate, greed, and for death
Now life is not so bad here, a roof and three squares
But I’ll tell u one thing, be glad that you’re there
Back home amongst family, friends, even strangers
Life emotionally here screems of great dangers
There are days that I laugh, that I joke, even smile
But inside my heart I cry out the whole while
So don’t take for granted the love that abounds
From the family and friends and all those you surround
I’ve too long taken for granted the blessings unearned
But no longer will I once I have returned

I miss you all

Everyday I dream of leaving...and coming home to some fun.



I find myslef crying missing so many things. I miss when this place felt like a home away from home, and I felt loved and safe here. My crying, daily, multiple times a day, comes from warm memories, missing them. I find things that remind me of the times I smiled here, the pictures as I pack them retell the stories that I forgot even existed. I've pushed themaway because their beauty has become so painful. I pack away movies that were part of a daily ceremony sharred amongst the Trinity. I have fond memories of pancakes and bacon, I could practically smell them this morning I longed for those days so hard. But, in reality its chicken and rice, every meal, every day. There is no longer reason to celebrate, to cook for, to treat...

Eyes squeezing tight, Cubs games, Cubs games, family, barbq's, city festivals, family, Chicago...all of it like a dream I've never had. I need to remember what is real, what was real, and what the likelyhood is of what I want happening ever being real again. I need home.