Everyday I dream of leaving...and coming home to some fun.

I find myslef crying missing so many things. I miss when this place felt like a home away from home, and I felt loved and safe here. My crying, daily, multiple times a day, comes from warm memories, missing them. I find things that remind me of the times I smiled here, the pictures as I pack them retell the stories that I forgot even existed. I've pushed themaway because their beauty has become so painful. I pack away movies that were part of a daily ceremony sharred amongst the Trinity. I have fond memories of pancakes and bacon, I could practically smell them this morning I longed for those days so hard. But, in reality its chicken and rice, every meal, every day. There is no longer reason to celebrate, to cook for, to treat...

Eyes squeezing tight, Cubs games, Cubs games, family, barbq's, city festivals, family, Chicago...all of it like a dream I've never had. I need to remember what is real, what was real, and what the likelyhood is of what I want happening ever being real again. I need home.