Jim Bruher, Vulnerability, and the little things

OK, so I can't spell Jimm Brueher's name right for sure but to let you know who I'm talking about he's the comedian from Saturday night Live who did the Goat Boy. Or for the movie folks, he was in Half Baked...anyways. I was watching his special at work with the guys and he made me think...

He said that marriage should be redefined. Nothing aboiut love is perfect with passion and beauty...it is an ever evolving creature. Long story short (and a few laughs in between) finding someone to marry is about finding someone you can be patient with your whole life. So my new outlook on relationships leads me to believe this...

Lasting relationships are built on trust, open and honest and full communication (not half truths or partial truths, but the full story, all the time, laughter (typically at one's self), the acceptance that a person's family has to be one you can admire and accept as your own because the person will turn into their mother or father respectively, and patience. Oh yeah, and that thing called love.

So it look like, love is never enough.

I have also another seperate train of thought to share. My friend Link was fantastic enough to share a few stories with me lately. He has chosen to confide in me moments of his life that really meant alot to him, this has reminded me of some moments of my own. We began talking about amazing moments in our life that we will never forget. These are the little things I speak of. Some water, a ride to someone's house, a smile at the right moment, $.50, dinner bought by a stranger... all things so meaninglss on their own, but so meaningful that these small things can induce deeply seated emotions for a lifetime. THE RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS. Let me explain. This is where the BLESSING of vulnerability comes in.

No one likes being vulnerable. Why? Cause it sets us up for damage. We think of ourselves as weak and susceptable. Well, we are. But what we don't seem to understand is we ALWAYS are. The vulnerability I speak of isn't being caught in a storm without an umbrella, but an emotional vulnerability that allows the good in others to shine through. I think we all thirst to find the moments where we can shine, help, and walk away before we can get a thank you. Emotional vulnerability allows others to feel good about themselves, it allows us to discover good friends, find new loves, and develop long, deep rooted relationships that had been given birth through trust. If I am vulnerable and you don't slay me, but make me stronger than you are my friend. Yes, we can get hurt, but from pain develops this great apprieciation for what is good...the little things. To not make yourself vulnerable not only robs others from being better people, but robs us of the opportunity to see just how good we have it. Hi Doug...did you fall asleep yet? I love you mom. Thank you to my uncle John...my newest known reader. Thanks Casey for always posting responses, it makes me reflect on my thoughts and I do need checks and balances. I love you Erika...you are someone who has always been a friend. Not the kind you see everyday or even one you see more than once a year, but the friend who always brings you back to who you are, encourages you to be true to yourself, and loves you no matter what. And she's real pretty! Pretty Bird. On days I have nothing to write about myself I'd like to highlight my friends. After all, they are just relections of who you would like to be. You all challenge me to be better, THANK YOU!

Post # 2 od Euro trip #3 Franfurt/Prague (Praha)

So, mom and I wake up and head to Prague. We don't have a hotel yet, but a real good idea as to where we want to stay. Four seasons it is. Right next to Charles Bridge on Vltava River, it is amazing. We drop our bags quickly and head to the bridge. There we fnd some amazing things. We find a river boat tour so we take it. It was very educational and entertaining. When we arrive we are given what my mom called A Prague ho ho (chocolate covered gingerbread with strawberry spread inside) and hot wine. Ewww..so we thought but I really grew to like it, in fact I drank it our whole trip. So from there we ran into a Dali art exhibit that was ironically the collection of prints that mom got me for xmas. It was a depiction of Dante's Divine comedy which am also reading. Basically it is a man's struggle of heaven vs hell, with a pit stop in purgatory. Quite a hard read but interesting nonetheless.

So from there we walk the streets seeing buildings that have existed for over 600 years and the changes in architecture across the city. It was beautiful. We aslo got the inside scoop on the spot on the bridge you rub and make a wish cause some Saint was tossed off the bridge there. Well, we'll see if I get my wish. Then we had a quiet night, ate in the hotels restaurant (it was way uppity) got tired and went to bed. The next morning we awoke refreshed ad ready for a new day's adventure. Boy we found one, in fact, many. We meant so head to shop but strolled into a square where a band competition was going on. Now I can't say they were very good, but they were very colofully dressed in all sorts of costumes and strange makeup. There was one group in particular that we kept running across, Rolf's group, I'll tell you moe about Rolf later. Just know that we are engaged.

After enjoying the music we went shopping (boring) found some good clothes and got hungrey so we ate. On the way back to the hotel we hear all this music again. The bands were parading all over the city and again here comes our favorite band. Pictures are very soon to come. We were again drawn back to the square where we sat in an outdoor beer garden amongst the band members and tourists. We befriended a couple from Whales named Paul and Kathy. We sat and talked for hours until Kathy's Dolce & Gabbana purse was stole right beneath our noses. So, mom suggested we buy them dinner. We then parted ways tofreshen up and prepare to go to the clubs. We rejoined the couple in an Irish pub to leave in search or a club. We stopped in a casino for a drink so they could go home and reshen up. It seemed as if the night was a go! Until...

Kathy shrieks..My diamond is gone!!!!

She had lost he 1 Ct. Heart shapped diamond right out of her engagement ring. We crawled and looked for about an hour. She cried. I didn' know wha to say or do, but I looked. It must have gotten snagged on her gloves. WE hope that it fell out in her room somewhere, but we'll never know. So as the night dwindledmom suggesed we get going... to a club...finally. To be continued...

A trip begins so slowly...

So I sit,and I wait, anxious. A new ountry, and opportunity to create and discover new feelings, thoughts, memories. Mom is waiting. My butt is literally falling asleep. Due to a lack of padding on my seat (the chair, and ass I suppose) and the 6 goddamn hour wait on the runway for our plane to take off really screwed with what was to be the ugly begining to a beautiful trip. Finally we take off, after only 26 hours of consciosness I fade into a mode of temporary hibernation. Luckilly my seat mate was fun. I arrived in Amsterdam (again) to quickly catch my next eg to Frankfurt. Mom is there, mom is waiting, hw do I tell her the news. I don't. I get on the next plane and quickly fall into a peaceful slumber.

Quite content at finally reaching my destination I watch as men bicycle through the airport in Frankfurt. Armed with only pen and cig in hand I write my thoughts as I seek out a meeting with mom that is long overdue. I watch as the daper buisness men walk by in their fine 3 piece suits. The airport, like a morgue reeks with silence. I begin my hunt for my resting place and an ATM.

There she sat, patiently, like only a mother could, waiting, watching, hoping the last of her young made it at the end of a long journey. But she sat unwaivering. Once together we mounted a taxi and were off to concur Frankfurt.

Hearing the German language sends shivers up my spine. I feel nervous and am ver coscienscious of my every move. There is something about their native tongue that takes me for each other when discovering the depths of each others painsback to a time I should have never exerienced. Why do these words that I don't understand suggest such hate and cast such sad shaddows?

Despite all of that, the sqaures are beautiful. Real old trational German architecture, unscathed exscaping the bombs of wwII. Mom and I sat in a touristy little german restaurant splitting a bottle of wint and cigarette after cigarette like old friends reunited. We laughed hard at each other, at life. We cried a little for each other discoving the depth at which each had been hurting in the past year or so. It was refreshing like rain in the desert, comfortable like a robe after a long bath... it felt like home. Rigt there in the midde of Germany...home.

Its not where we live but in who's hearts we haunt.

More to come of Meghan's Euro adventure later. Love yall!

So it was 2 days ago now that we learned Kuwait will never be the same.

So, it has finally happened. The Amir has died. After months of troubled health the king has died. We are observing 3 days of mourning, how sad I am. I can't eat, I can't sleep. I am once again a troubled woman. Oh, wait. Were you thinking my sorrows are born because of death... no no no no. Don't you know, the Bears lost. So tragic. I stayed awake till the wee hours of the morning, alone and cold to see my Bears perish in a disgusting display of athleticism, or the lack of it.

Our friend Rex just could not be the king we needed (Rex, meaning king, get the pun?) Well, my favorite time of the year slowly comes to an end but there is next year filled with hopes of playoff births and fantasy football greatness. This year I can't say I failed, but in no way did I succeede. I will prevail next year.

So the death of the king most likely means Kuwait will begin its fairy tale progression. Booze booze and more booze. I don't think I'm looking forward to it, minus the night time glass of red wine of all things. Well, I really should get back to work...yeah, I am working monitoring dispatch controlling the ebb and flow of crisis and emergency. That is a big lie. I am playing on my personal computer on the left and emailing on the right.

Our department is looking for a full time dispatch manager position to be filled. I know the man for the job, but I just wish I knew the man.

I work, I vacation, I work, I vacation

So, after my vacation seeing you all I needed a break from all you lovely people. The best way to do so...go back to work. So, I did that. And it is what it is.

So now its time to depart once again and get a break from work. I leave the 19th to join my mom for MEGHAN'S EURO TRIP #1 2006!!!!

I am excited and plan to travel the same way I did to come home. Lightly! Hell, wear something nice and pack one more outfit...i LOVE SHOPPPING as of late and I even love it more in a foreign country with my mom. I wish I could be sharring this experience with all of you, especially with those of you who's greatest passion is traveling, but I will take a number of pics and tell of my great adventures.

I never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine going to the Czech Republic, but, after the research, it looks like Prague will be a fabulous city! I think I can get used to this pick up and leave lifestyle. I never said that being away from home or loved ones was a great perk, but thetravel, the money, and the doors that working here has opened and continues to do is fantastic! I am considering staying here until I find my next new dream job and will tell more of these options newst to me in a later writting, so do forget to check back soon. Miss all who read this.

Well here's one trip you don't get to come on!

Well, its 9pm on the 13th (I think) here in Kuwait. Mom calls and says, "Hey we aren't going to Paris next month." I have a sad face. "We are going to Prague next week instead I am booking our flights now!" Hooray! I say to myself. Dilema...I have this thing I occasionally do with some friends every week. Some call it work, well I just show up when they tell me to, don't ask me to define it.

I need to find a way around this so called work, its really cramping my Euro Meghan style. So, I guess I am going to have to get real inginuitive and quick! I'm sure it will all work out. That is the cool thing about this job. No one cares where yo go or what you do as long as it doesn't inconvienence the wrong people. I have good friends here who will help me make this work I'm sure.

How cool! I get to spend some quality time with my mom i countries where I have no clue what language they even speak...betcha that'll force some pretty strange conversations! WEll, thought I'd post the coolest news I've heard since you couls make Potatoes AuGratin by just adding water!

So new conundrum...still looking for someone to do Paris and London with me next month or two. Email me with interest anyone. I love this travel stuff! Wish I had someone who loved it as much as I did and could do it with me. If you are listening oh great gods of travel and friendship, give me my travel buddy.

I will be blogging some pics from that trip. Woo Hoo!

Well here's one trip you don't get to come on!

I invite you to travel with me, one and all.

Ok folks here's the deal. I am planning on going to one country (or 2) every month before I go home. Anyone is welcome to meet up with me, the more the merrier. Here are tenative plans.

February - whatever date I can find a travel buddy (or sadly...alone)

P A R I S !!!!!!!!!
Wee Wee...

Most likely my mom will be meeting me for some stinky cheese and bread, anyone else? Doug, you me, and the most romantic city in the world. What do you think?


March - Once again any date I can find a travel friend

I maybe returning to Chicago for the Fire exam but if not...


Southern Italy!!!!!!!!!!!

I figure the bottom of the boot will be warming up and I can get a head start on a killer tan!!!!!!!! Erika... come one lets do it over your spring break, and bring that hunk of a hubby with you.


April Spain/ Ibeza

Here my friend Deb Robinson will be chaperoning a HS spanish trip. So any friends who want to come with who don't have to patrol hotel hallways are more than welcome to go. Plus Ibeza is one of the world's #1 club/party places. Steve I know you can't pass this up!

May Amsterdam/Germany

A tour of museums and breweries. Lets eat sausage and dance in Tulips. Lauren and Steve this trip has your name all over it!!!


June Switzerland

Why? Cause I guess. Dames, I know you've never been there. Lets check it out!


JULY The greatest month ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This will be a month open to travel suggestions. Its my birthday month too!!!!!

But the big trip probley a year or two out is that to NEPAL! So start saving you $ kids. I will go and visit my brothers in their homeland. The Napalese firefighters on A shift are the greatest, largest hearted guys I know and have invited me into their homes to meet their families, experience their culture, and explore their beautiful country. Please join me if you can.

After that I would like to attack centra and south america. But of course I am always willing to adapt, change, and just go where I will enjoy whatever comapny I can rustle up. Let me know what anyone thinks.

Love you all.

I only lost weight cause the foods so darn expensive.

So today I went grocery shopping and spent 74 KD ($251) on groceries. To eat is to go broke. Thats why poor people aren't ripped! Healthy food is so expensive. Then take into consideration the $150 worth of supplements on my counter and the $70 worth of vitamins in my drawers, I had better look like a million dollars next time I see all of you (ort atleast $471).

I'd like to report some boring stuff. I got my Instructor I certification. I will be taking my firefighter I test by the end of this month. I guess for me mildly lonley = productivity.

On a more exciting front I had my first date (hangout) with John. John is a firefighter (will I never escape them) with KBR, a rival contract, here in Kuwait. I met him a month ago when they came down for a burn on our base with their brand new engine. John was a firefighter in the Air Force and is an engineer. John is from rural Penn, about 45 south of where my family is from. John likes movies, the Simpsons, fire engines, his truck back home, his crew he voulenteers with, and plain foods. Just once can I find a guy who isn't just content to eat the basics? I love cooking! Steak is good but its the other foods you should eat with it that make it great! John has been working contract firefighting to save up money for his kids (future tense) to go to college and to get a great sart towards retirement. HIs parents are still together and has a sister.

Phil, my captain, describes him as one of the greatest guys he's ever met. He seems very nice, but to be brutally honest, not as intellectually challenging as I like. I like a challenge, I haven't gotten one yet. He is very polite and seems a little quiet. I was hoping for a moment of philisophical blunder, but we pretty much talked about work ( as all firefighters do) and just general nonsense. There was no immeadiate spark that I have felt with people when I meet them for the first time, but, maybe that spark was always a warning of dreaded things to come.

He likes to travel and has some amazing plans for his time once he leaves this place. And he plans to do it alone. I find that interesting. He claims he's never been in love and has never had a long term relationship. Which means he doesn't know the bittersweet sting of having his heart broken either. He doesn't like dressing up, it makes him uncomfortable. He is a handyman and is learning about fiberglass customization and does alot of the mechanical and carpentry work around his fre dept. He doesn't have his college degree, prefers Farm hockey to the pros, isn't real big into working out, and is a rope a dope (in the fire house he does rapelling and high angle rescue).

He didn't make me laugh like some before him had and he seemed a little nervous all the time. He lives 2 hours away on one of the Army bases up North andis crew that I got to meet today all seem like pretty nice guys.

So, what does all this mean? Nothing really I guess. I don't want to get into another serious relationship, not here, not now. There are some other guys that have asked to hang out and spend some time with them. I will continue to keep my schedule open and my heart unavailable. (Ok, any of you who are thinking "Don't be closed minded, just see where it all goes", I did that last time, I didn't want to commit last time. I'm not good with goodbye's and when you are over here, this place so far from reality, no one see's it as real so getting really involved will just lead to more confusion.)

So, my plan is to learn as much as I can from all of these people and use that all to develop myself into the woman I need to become, want to be, and will long from now be proud to admidt that I am.

I do have to admidt it was nice spending sometime with a new face. I only wish there were more to meet. We really can't hang with the Army, its taboo. I'd love to make some Kuwaiti friends, but its hard. So for now I keep myself entertained by the occasional random other contractors and look forward to my travel plans in the future.

Friends, do keep up the emails, pictures, and well wishes. As much as I enjoyed seeing you all this holiday season I have to tell you there was a part of me that felt like I was not at "home". Your greetings, well wishes, and insults all remind me where I belong. After all, home is where the heart is.

Up up and away in my beautiful balloon..

Ok, so not a baloon, more like a plane. So I fly to Detroit today where I catch another plane to Amsterdam where I catch another plane to Kuwait. Its strange, I really want to be back there and make life normal again. Time to work and earn some money! But for what? A home? But where? Med school? But when? I did some searching of neighborhoods ans found a cute one in the city no too far from Wrigley field. Anyone up for a ballgame? Go Cubs!

So once I return I will be job hunting. I really want the oil rig gig. Maybe Australia is an option, or even Antarchtica. Haven't hgiven up on any great opprotunities. well we'll chatlater

YOU ARE DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So where lies your guilt? What immeadiately comes to mind if I say, "I can't believe you did that, that was disgusting?"

Think.

Where did you go just now? How did it feel? Do you feel like you got a punch to the chest, swallowed a rock, or are you just sitting there grinning? Just how disgusting are you? Did you sleep with someone you didn't know, thinking it would make you feel better? Did you take some pills to dull the pain? Did you cheat on a spouse or a lover or both? Did you lie to your mother? Did you lie to a friend? Are you tearing up yet?

Did you push someone in a line? Did you wish someone would be hit by a car? Did you hit someone in your car and drive away? Did you curse at an old person for being too slow? Did you drive too slow on purpose to piss someone off? Did you abuse yourself with either drug or drink? Did you regret that in the morning?

Do you wish you had what other people have? Do you wish you were at times other people? Do you wish that other people looked at you and wanted to be you cause you think you are so god damn important? Well, did you?

Did you wish the world would crush the person who has hurt you most? Have you hurt the one who loves you most? Have you told someone that you loved them when you didn't cause it was just easier that way? Did you wish that all the pain that sits inside of you could come slashing out of your skin causing damage to those damagers amongst us? How did that feel?

Now ask yourself this.

Are you a good person? Do you want to be better? Do you want to be in a place with people that don't make you feel this way? Do you want to be beautiful(in a non literal way)?

This was your penence. Today I forgive you as you see, you can forgive yourself. We are at times weak, but from that we grow, we better ourselves we become, beautiful.

The Year is New and I've grown Old

I sit here in the tepid glow of the screen wondering, hoping for the best. The new year is here and I don't feel different about much, just anxious to get it all over with. What, what do I want to be over...I just want to know it will all be ok, but don't we all. I sit here on the Eve of a bioposy, and I do mean this literally. Oh, I know you just want to say how there's nothing to be worried about, I'll be fine, so we hope. If it were all fine and ok would I be having a biopsy in the first place? Would the ornate tests be scheduled on a day my Dr. isn't even supposed to be working? Would I be talking to my Dr. about if surgery is needed could I fly home at the drop o f a hat? A drop of a hat... is that faster or slower than a blink of an eye? Life can bring me detrimental news and words of pain this quickly, wouldn't it be fair for good news and love to appear in the same glorious fasion?

I was wactching tv tonite and a woman went into a monologue about death vs the loss of a loved one. To feel the loss of a loved one has many times been described as the greatest pain we can feel, but is it not more painful to have the one you love choose to leave you and finds themselves happier in the arms of someone else?

I don't know. Death is a promise to all those who are born. I guess that makes losing love less natural. I was made no such promise.

I will one day die. When and how...don't know. Will I have the chance before then though to love again, and perhaps lose, again? I can only hope. When life is good we need to respect its tremendous power, we must dance with it delicately like a butterfly. That glance in a lover's eye, hearing your favorite song in a car and singing it with friends, the smile on a childs face... these are all fleeting moments. Hold on...for dear life, hold on.