The Year is New and I've grown Old

I sit here in the tepid glow of the screen wondering, hoping for the best. The new year is here and I don't feel different about much, just anxious to get it all over with. What, what do I want to be over...I just want to know it will all be ok, but don't we all. I sit here on the Eve of a bioposy, and I do mean this literally. Oh, I know you just want to say how there's nothing to be worried about, I'll be fine, so we hope. If it were all fine and ok would I be having a biopsy in the first place? Would the ornate tests be scheduled on a day my Dr. isn't even supposed to be working? Would I be talking to my Dr. about if surgery is needed could I fly home at the drop o f a hat? A drop of a hat... is that faster or slower than a blink of an eye? Life can bring me detrimental news and words of pain this quickly, wouldn't it be fair for good news and love to appear in the same glorious fasion?

I was wactching tv tonite and a woman went into a monologue about death vs the loss of a loved one. To feel the loss of a loved one has many times been described as the greatest pain we can feel, but is it not more painful to have the one you love choose to leave you and finds themselves happier in the arms of someone else?

I don't know. Death is a promise to all those who are born. I guess that makes losing love less natural. I was made no such promise.

I will one day die. When and how...don't know. Will I have the chance before then though to love again, and perhaps lose, again? I can only hope. When life is good we need to respect its tremendous power, we must dance with it delicately like a butterfly. That glance in a lover's eye, hearing your favorite song in a car and singing it with friends, the smile on a childs face... these are all fleeting moments. Hold on...for dear life, hold on.